Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
