I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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