Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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