I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Houston, we have a squirter
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
