Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
