we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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