You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
