lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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