i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
