i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You made out with two different species that night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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