the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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