don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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