I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
