There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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