I puked a lego.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
