Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
