i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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