Who wears a wallet chain?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
