I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
