is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He passed out mid-signature
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
