My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
