I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
