Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fuck appropriateness.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
