I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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