You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
