How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
