What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this just has baby written all over it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize