Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
