drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
