Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
