hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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