I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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