so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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