somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
