Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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