Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
