Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
