I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
