I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
PANTIES FOUND
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