I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
