Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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