why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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