I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
