mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
