i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
