saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
