He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize