Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
