You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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