so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
