My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
