do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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