can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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