ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
