I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
