when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize