Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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