I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
