So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
