Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
