You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize