# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
