there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
