I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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