I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
