She's JV to your varsity
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
