I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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