I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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